Monster

When you’re screaming and no one can hear you. When you’re hurt and no one can help you. What can you do but go on living alone? You do everything you can to hold on to who you, to what you are but even as you do so you feel that little bit of humanity begin to slip away.

There are days when I feel the weight of my destiny crushing me; when I feel as if I’m going to collapse underneath it. Yet somehow I find the strength to keep going to struggle back to my feet and stand again against the changing flow. I’m always here, I’ve always been here and I’ll always be here. I am what you would call a fact and yet I don’t fit your definition.

I’ve lived through a thousand lives and yet I still walk the world living the same life I did all that time ago. My heart no longer beats and my body no longer needs air and yet I don’t fit your definition of dead. I glide unseen through your lives but you remember me when I touch your life. I’m unforgettable and yet forgotten at the same time; invisible but seen; alive but dead and you can’t define me because you don’t have the words.

People call me a monster when they find me next to their dead loved ones. They scream at me and demand how I could be so cold so evil. Some take pity on me and say that if only I had a family of my own I wouldn’t have become this. They’re wrong though because I had a family when this happened to me, when I became this. They suffered because of what I became and I suffered because I lost them. They’re right those that call me a monster and yet they’re wrong; they’re right when they call me cold but I’m not unfeeling and they are right to call me evil because I am. It is perhaps the word that fits me best but at the same time it doesn’t fit at all.

I am what you call a vampire but you know nothing about us, not really. We don’t turn into bats or smoke. We don’t burn in the sunlight or explode into ash. However you do have one thing right, we do need blood to survive. I walk amongst you and you don’t know what I am but you do know I’m different. There are perks to being one of us. Imagine being faster, stronger, better in every way than humans and you have what we are.

My job is simple and yet complex because I hold onto the last shreds of my humanity both amazing and infuriating my creator. I walk at his side elevated above his other children because I was chosen to be his right hand, his adviser. Whilst others have to wait until he’s finished feeding before they take their own fill I make the kill with him and share the meal. Where they are forced to tow the line, to kill only those they are told to I make my own decisions and kill as I please.

I’m his warrior, his child, his right hand and he honours me as I give him my loyalty. One day we may fight for power and we both know I will emerge victorious because I was created to fight. Others have tried to take my place while I’ve been away, when I’ve been living a different life but it doesn’t work. He doesn’t let them as close as he lets me and when I return, for I always do, they are cast aside without a thought.

He walked towards the hall door and pushed it open to reveal the people inside and I followed him in. The rest of our family were elsewhere forbidden to come near until we were done so there was nobody to block the exit. Instead I locked it and broke the handle off. They wouldn’t be walking out of here alive. Together we turned to the people who were staring at us in shock and we smiled as our fangs descended. We made the first kill together drinking the woman’s blood while people ran around us screaming. After that we split killing and drinking until we were entirely sated and then we laughed as we killed the rest.

We left side by side into the night heading towards our home as the rest of our family descended on the bodies we left behind. They would fight and squabble over what we had left them trying to get the best pickings left. We’d taken the youngest and the fittest, enjoying the nicest blood, and left them with the old and sick. Not that they’d dare complain about it because they knew what we could do to them if they did.

Home was an old hotel that we had built ourselves and enough of us entered and exited the building for people to perceive it as such. We did have a few real customers which I was left to deal with as I supposedly had the best control. I’d once spent a decade drinking animal blood instead of human as part of one of my less wise decisions. I’d broken in the end of course and killed a whole room of people on my own. I’d drained them all dry of their blood as I relished in drinking humans again. I could still control the thirst for small periods of time if I had to and that left me dealing with the customers.

It was no surprise to me that as soon as I arrived I was dragged aside by the vampire we had left on duty. Apparently one of the guests was trying to complain about an issue and while I had been hunting. With a sigh I started off up the stairs and knocked on the guest’s door. When it opened I offered a bow and shoved down my resurfacing hunger. I listened as she complained about how no one ever talked to her but me and how she had been angry when nobody had brought her the food she had ordered. It took me a while to calm her down enough to make her accept the apologies that I made on behalf to the hotel. I told her how it was a service the hotel provided that she would always be served by the same person so that she wasn’t surrounded by strangers all the time. She seemed to like that idea and after giving my agreement to be available, the next time she called, I left her to her peace.

After that I was stuck at the hotel to make sure there were no more problems for her. The family came and went around me as I sat still as a statue in the entrance hall letting time pass around me. I needed to feed soon but I couldn’t leave with total confidence that I wouldn’t cause hassle for my creator. If there was a complaint about the hotel there could be an enquiry and then we would face more problems than we really wanted to. Luckily he found a solution for me and came to fetch me and take me to her room. As we walked he told me how he had found out that no one would miss her if she was gone. She had no family who she maintained contact with, no one who knew where she was. She was what you could call a perfect meal.

I entered the room and darted across it to stand behind her pulling her head back to expose her neck. I looked up at my creator, as my fangs descended, inviting him to join me. He smiled as his own fangs descended coming across the room to join me. As she struggled between us we bit into her together draining her blood. As I fed I felt strength fill me again and I smiled against my meal’s neck. It was good to feed again after being stuck in one place for over a week unable to feed. We drained her dry before heading out of the hotel to find a meal. I ended up drinking more blood than he did due to my break from feeding while he had been going out and drinking his fill for the past few days. He didn’t seem to mind though leaving the choicer picks to me so that I could regain my full strength. It was more out of concern that I was at full strength if there was a fight than anything else.

We got out of control that night moving from place to place killing and drinking the blood before we moved on and leaving the rest of the family to finish off half drained bodies before they cleaned up after us. The release of finally feeding freely again was a surprisingly enjoyable to us for we had spent so long focusing the feeding in one singular place.

I was able to return to my normal duties without the added pressure of single handily running a hotel. I’d spent far too much time recently at the hotel rather than attending to my duties and now I was able to fulfil them. I spent time walking around the city keeping the newly turned vampires in check; killing those who disobeyed the orders they were given.

It was on one occasion where I was roaming the city when I heard a howl of pain. I wouldn’t normally have got involved except for the smell on the breeze. It was the smell that prompted my reaction and I darted towards the sound. When I got there I found a man being beaten by two others as he tried to protect the woman he was with. I took another breath and placed the strange smell in the blood. Werewolf.

I stepped from the shadows as I realised exactly what was going on. Now vampires and werewolves don’t get on but I have the law to uphold so I had no choice but to side with one. Calling the two vampires to attention as I approached I glared at them until they sheathed their fangs and with one look I sent them back to the hotel. I’d deal with them and their crime later because that’s what this was. They were forbidden from killing because it was addictive and having two vampires who were allowed to kill in one city was already stacking up the death count.

Watching them go I turned to the werewolf and what appeared to be his mate. It was only then that I realised I’d unsheathed my own fangs as he crawled away from me. I shook my head and they disappeared before crouching down next to where he had fallen on the floor. I explained as best I could that he was safe now telling him that they were gone. I could see the disbelief in his eyes and so I started again. Really I was going to kill those criminals for making me stay here this long talking to a werewolf. I told him that they would be punished; I told him that he was safe and yet it wasn’t enough.

I sighed rubbing my head as I looked for a way to calm him down and make him believe me. I thought crossed my mind but it would be a last attempt. My mind whispered that it would come to that and it was right. I placed a hand on his shoulder and looked into his eyes and saw the monster there as he saw the monster in mine. I told him how only two vampires were allowed to kill in this city and that neither would harm him. He asked how I could possibly say that with certainty so I told him I was one of them. I watched as one monster recoiled from another because we’re not evil not really. We are just like you; we feel the same emotions and yet we are so different.

He demanded to know why I had helped him. He threw the fact I had saved him, a werewolf, in my face as he declared that I would be outcast by my own kind. He told me that I would be rejected for helping him and I would never be allowed to make a kill again. I waited till he finished patiently containing my amusement until he was done and then I released it all in what even I will admit was a creepy laugh.

His utter confusion at my reaction gave me hope that I could convince him to listen to me. So I told him how I was the right hand of the vampire who led the city and that I wouldn’t be persecuted for this. I explained how he was my creator and no matter what I did I would be welcomed back into the fold. I kept talking until I began to see trust in his eyes and then I talked some more until I was sure he had faith in me. Then with a promise to make sure his would be killers would be punished I left him alone with his mate.

When I returned to the hotel I barely had time to cross the threshold before I was summoned by my creator. So they were hoping to have me killed for consorting with werewolves before I could disclose their own sins then. I smirked inwardly as I walked straightening up and lifting my head to give the impression that I wanted to. I would come out of this alive and they would be punished for lying to save their own skins.

I knocked on my creator’s door and walked in at his permission to enter. I ignored the two criminals in the room as I folded my body in a bow. I put aside the superior attitude I wore around those beneath me instead giving myself entirely to his command. As he held out a hand I moved forward and took it pressing a kiss to the ring there as I had so many times before. His hand shot out to close around my throat and I tipped my head back to allow him to grip it better. I listened in silence as he told me how we should never consort with werewolves.

When he was done speaking he released me and I dropped to the floor at his feet as he knew I would. This was an old dance between us and we both knew the steps better than we knew ourselves. We knew I would keep sinning and he would have to keep starting this dance. We knew he would keep starting it for the first time he changed it would be the time that I killed him and took his place. The son always kills the father and that’s how it works, no exceptions, and that’s how it will always work. So I knelt at his feet as I told my story and with every word the two criminals in the room grew more and more agitated.

Above me my creator’s expression grew darker as I continued to speak in an emotionless voice. Once I was done speaking he told me how it was acceptable on this occasion to consort with werewolves as we both knew he would from the moment of the summons. The two would be killers had no such luck though. I was the only one whose sins would be forgiven without punishment because I was the only one who could be a threat. He didn’t even look at them as he ordered me to kill them.

I had known it was coming, had known the moment that he made the announcement they would try to kill me and so I was ready. The moment they moved forward I used their own movement to kill them sending the first spinning around to slice the others throat open with the descended fangs. I sped forward and pulled the partially severed head off the body easily throwing it at the other criminal who was speeding towards me. He ducked under it easily but it was enough to break his concentration. I darted forward with my own fangs descending as I grabbed him and spun him around holding him against me. I yanked his head back bearing his neck and pressed my fangs against it. I looked at my creator for the final order and he nodded so I ripped him apart shred by shred with my fangs until he was a pile of flesh on the floor.

I looked down at the havoc I had caused in my creators office and grimaced. He laughed at my expression and walked out from behind his desk to throw a hand around my shoulders leading me out of the office as he told me he’d get someone to clear it up. We headed out of the hotel and I let him lead me to wherever it was we were headed.

I didn’t expect to find myself standing face to face with the werewolf I had left not long before. I remained silent letting my creator explain to the wolf that he was safe now and we wouldn’t harm him or his mate. I noticed the disbelief in his eyes and stepped from the shadows letting him see the state I was in. I saw his eyes rake over my blood spattered state before he recoiled slightly. My creator shot me an exasperated look as I grinned before turning to explain why I was so blood spattered.

As he talked my amusement grew at the sight of the werewolf’s apparent admiration at the fact I had killed my own. He seemed to be surprised that I had gone so far as to kill to make good on my promise. My creator finished speaking before he dragged me out of there with a furious expression. As soon as we were out of the range of the werewolf’s hearing he stopped and turned to me. I waited as he growled at me about the correct time to let my humour show and I let him. I knew it had been bad timing but I rarely let my humour show around anyone but my creator and it had felt good. To humans who saw me long enough I was a monster and for my own kind I was someone to be feared not someone to spend time with.

He decided that the stopping the hunt must have inflamed my hunger and the killings since had made it worse. I knew that he was right but I was reluctant to admit it out loud. To do so would be to admit how close to losing control I had just been and how I had needed to cause hassle just to distract myself. We prowled through the darkened alleys until we came across a drunken couple making their way home and together we pounced. It felt good to release the pent-up energy of the past few hours make a kill. I’d needed it after having to stop a hunt while containing my own hunger.

See, you can’t define me in a word. You can’t just stick a label on me because, whatever it says, it won’t really describe me. I’m evil and a hero, a monster with morals. To define me you’d be forever adding and changing things because I’m not constant but neither do I change constantly. I just exist, have always existed, will always exist. I just am.

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